Something happened. I just don't know what...
It feels that something has happened. Today was one of the many days when I feel and try my hand at creating something, I have lost the ability to create. I fail to be able to describe a moment. I have lost vision. Once a man of perception, has lost all sense of all he had. I feel lost, barren, broken inside.
Through time I have moved from a story teller, a playwright, and a poet of sorts to what I am today. Nothing. The inability to create makes me feel like I am beyond my body, just a spirit, disjointed from the world. I feel unable to hold, shape and word things the way I want to.
It is purely and induction of the state of mind that I am going through, or rather I have been going through for over the past 4 years. From the end of my advertsing days to the end of marketing management to the start of entreprenurialism. Its been a long joirney. So llittle done, so much more to go. I am not tired, but I contemplate at times as to where I have been and where I belong. Those I have destryed and not those I have made. Those I have lost and those I have gained. Money is no object here.
Introspection leads to analysis, something I believe we must all do from time to time. I do not say we sit and calculate the cost of our actions, whether emotionally driven or calculated. What's done has been done, cannot be undone. We move on just learning what our actions have yielded.
I have realized that to this day, I have gained inner peace, or rather isolated myself from the inner me. Maybe thats just how inner peace is supposed to be. Silent, soft, unstirring.
There is so much more to be said, so much less felt though. Too bad, I dont have the words, or the expression to create it now.
Its like telling a story while you are gagged up, or telling it while you are facing the katabatic winds on a dark night in the December arctics. Maybe telling your story a hundred feet below the tumoultous sea. Each time all alone, each time you are drowning, each time knowing that you are losing yet carrying on. All a means to the end, knowing that its there, but just doing whats needed, not caring what it will bring you or anyone else.
posted by inspirex @ 8/04/2006 09:54:00 AM
4 Comments:
interesting introspective posts... what touched me about both is the feeling of restfulness and inner peace that one gets from reading them despite the changes that are probably behind the writing...
i envy you that peace of mind.. :) hope u cherish it! take care
u alright? sound hella down! wats up talk to us buddy...
I will hound u about this sudden long face!
Inner Peace is accepting what has happened, accepting who you are and knowing that you're a better person for it even when ur head tries to fool you into believing that ur not. You''ve accomplished all that.
The thing is you're not satisfied with what u create. You haven't stopped creating. You've stopped being satisfied with your creations. You lose concentration when ur unhappy/dissatisfied with whatever it is ur working on as a team or as an individual. It's a phase people go through when they're on the path of getting even better.
I probably dont make much sense:)
nice post..... going thru something similar.. result? missing deadlines :@
extiinct: actually... u do :D
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