random silence...

I Dream....

As I see myself at this very moment, I am running, in a long dark tunnel, the end of which is beyond my vision. It is only something I can hope and pray for. But the question is whether I should or not. I don’t know what I am running from. Am I in refuge or still killing myself in search of it. I keep running, from an unknown enemy, one I cannot see, just feeling its bloody existence all over me. After running for a distance too great to retain in count, I see the edge of the tunnel, but here I am posed with another question. Should I escape this place to seek refuge from the enemy in here? Or should I stay to protect myself from the real threat that is beyond these concrete boundaries. As I stand here, gazing into the ray of light that comes from a distance, I feel more than what may be called curious and scared at the same time. My mind and heart have parted ways and both contradict each other at every point at this occasion, yet none of them has reached a firm decision. In an unwarranted move, I turn, involuntarily, probably after reaching the unknown conclusion to retain this level of safety, and am faced with what I may call the consequence of my decision. A sudden rush of flaming hot air brushes against my face and I scramble to hide myself from the stinging pain. Tripping upon something I cannot see, I am now falling to the ground. Even in mid air I feel my helplessness as my muscles have frozen in this blazing heat. How I long to fall and reach the ground. The distance feels endless. I am in limbo. Falling, yet not fallen. Moments feel like ages as I continue to move through this blank and empty space, without reaching any destination. It is a feeling of being a slave to an infinite number of gods, each equally disappointed at your behaviour and calling you for a friendly lecture. Such is the fate of my indecisiveness and uncontrollability. It takes just a slight bang on the head after the fall to realize that I have been dreaming again. I have fallen from by bed and am now wide-awake. Staring into the darkness of night I feel the fading away of sleep. With every passing moment my senses feel clearer. I can now feel the wetness of my clothes as they cling to my skin. I have been sweating heavily, even though the air conditioner has been busy cooling the room for over four hours now. I stumble to recollect myself, after what felt like the reality of my own existence. I tried hard to regain my normal vision after spending hours asleep, my eyes were finding it difficult to adjust to the darkness. As my eyes clear out, I slowly make out the familiar objects that surround me. The single seater sofa with its back against the wall, the lamp by its side and a couple of bottles of water next to it. A few feet away, the refrigerator, humming away into the darkness that surrounds it, and here I am, thinking of what to do. A mind, as blank as clean white canvas, waiting for something to be painted, again.

posted by inspirex @ 9/12/2004 01:35:00 AM