ramblings....
The past few days have been weird; .a unique blend of stress & satisfaction, restlessness & comfort, joy and pain.
At times one feels that the entire purpose of life is to keep others happy….but is it?
At times I feel no purpose to life of my own….for some reason every component is tied to others. If you know me well enough…you’d think I was a self sufficient person….and generally I am…..but when it comes to living……there is just one thing I just cant do without food, rest, money….everything is secondary - its the people I am with…it’s the people that create the chaos and the beauty in my life……each and every one has a unique place……I don’t know if anyone can take that place………she’d know if she read this….but I guess she doesn’t…and even if she does……id appreciate she didn’t tell me……it would not serve any purpose but to make me more conscious of my surroundings….
I’m happy this way….my head in the sand…humming away to my own tunes…blinded to the universe around me.
Why do we care about some people so selflessly?
Nothing seems to matter when it comes to them…..
Life is beautiful…tense at times but beautiful nonetheless.
I see the waters in front of me…clean, deep clear….with a soothing green hue to it……sprinkled gently with shimmering sunbeams, that shine into my eye, blinding me temporarily….beautifully…..
Suddenly the beauty dies, what was once a silent river, soothing in its very presence and silence, is the memory of pains long gone, but they keep coming back to me. The fires, the bullets, the bodies, the screams, the pain, the anger, the blood...it just doesn’t stop. The raped innocence, the widowed bride, the childless mother, all culminating in a deafening silence.
Raised from our graves, we stand to face the consequences of every decision we make. Or what we think fate made for us…
Do you believe in fate?
What is fate?
If life we pre programmed by fate, we wouldn’t be held accountable for our deeds. Since everything is pre determined, what’s the point of living the life of a silent worshipper?
Does it all matter?
What difference does it all make?
To my parents...
It was fathers day yesterday........but this goes out to both of them.....
im everything i am, because of them.......
so heres to them...:
For all those times you stood by me
For all the truth that you made me see
For all the joy you brought to my life
For all the wrong that you made right
For every dream you made come true
For all the love i found in you
I'll be forever thankful baby
You're the one who held me up
Never let me fall
You're the one who saw me through through it all
You were my strength when i was weak
You were my voice when i couldn't speak
You were my eyes when i couldn't see
You saw the best there was in me
Lifted me up when i couldn't reach
You gave me faith 'coz you believed
I'm everything i am
Because you loved me
You gave me wings and made me fly
You touched my hand i could touch the sky
I lost my faith, you gave it back to me
You said no star was out of reach
You stood by me and i stood tall
I had your love i had it all
I'm grateful for each day you gave me
Maybe i don't know that much
But i know this much is true
I was blessed because i was loved by you
You were my strength when i was weak
You were my voice when i couldn't speak
>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>.
Celine Dion
Good Morning...
Why does life have to be so?
Am I honest or deceptive?
I feel something which contradicts my mind….
Am I lying to myself?
Am I submitting to the cowardice of my mind?
What is the fear?
Is it rejection?
Is it “being discovered”?
Is it an uncertainity of the perception of the other person?
What do I fear?
What do I want?
I am lost…..
I have lost, yet won…..
Inside of me I feel joy at her joy…..
But am I selfish enough to crush her happiness?
For me?
She asked me once, why I’ve always been there for her…for a moment I had no answer….I still don’t.
I guess we’re just great friends…..but is that what I really feel?
I have yet to come to terms with my own emotions……
But there has to be a point where the line is drawn…….a part of me…will win, the other will lose….
My fate…is undetermined……
I’m happy if you are…..it’s that simple……
I want nothing for myself……..
This is me……..plain, naked, bare, standing, in the sun, on the cliff, around me the deserts, in red…
Dusk is drawing near……the sun is sets on me…….but its rising on you…..
Mornings…are beautiful……
Good morning to you….
Hopes & Dreams...
Standing here today, with my arms wide open.
Standing in wait, for the century that has gone.
I feel frail now, weakened by longing, for the ages that have gone by, in the roaring silence.
The silence drives me mad, the darkness burns my skin, the dry air.…drowning me from within.
I have waited for ages.
I see her, I have always seen her.
She gives me the courage to brave moreknowing the “us” is no more, I long for her, hope being my solitary shore.
I gather my energy from the sight of her, the voice of her and perchance, the smile that she blesses the world with.
It is the pain that gives me a reason to live, the factor that drives my existence.
The pain in knowing that what I desire will never be mine.Why do some of us mortals believe so strongly in hope?
Knowing that life is definite, some of us hope to change destiny.
I am one of them….
I hope, aspire, dream for something I cannot change…Those gone, cannot return…..its best we forget, knowing that, I defy my own logic.
I dream, forever....
jumpstart
silence....
of loneliness...
silence...
of death...
the silent world of a hundred people...
all u can hear are the sound of moving paper...
no wind
no human voices
no comuter keyboards
no pnones
no music.....
untill some one hands u a handset....
and u hear a voice on the other side....
ur first human voice in what seems like ages of silence....
the sounds turn on...
the world springs to life.....
and u wish you could have said
"thank you for being there..."....
