Daybreak, the sight of beauty, the sound of joy, the feeling of hope. The ray of sunlight filtering through the window kissing me on my eyelids as I lie asleep, greeting me with a persuasion to live everyday as if it was the last. As I hope to survive every coming day till it reaches its end, I dream of a escaping into the unknown world that we have all once heard of. A life where there will be fear of foe, a world without the lust to conquer, a world driven by the actions of oneself.
No matter how much I dream, there is a constant fear of the unknown in the other world. It is something undocumented, unreported, unheard of, a one-way ticket. What lies beyond, if there truly is one, is more difficult to find than a grain of gold in all the sands of this earth.
The mystery that hides behind the desire is the source of all the beauty in the world. Beauty itself is driven, in my opinion, by the sense of intrigue and curiosity. The fact is that ignorance is bliss, and once there is a leak in thois over inflated balloon of ignorance, any person would want to win back the lost satisfaction. To what lengths he may go is a different question, determined by the fire that burns within him.
Just got back from a vacation that stretched over a month long. Considering my general attitude towards work, a significant number of person were seriously concerned about my unusual yet extra long leave. Rest assured all, im back, and im back to turn your lives into hell.Am i that scary? I dont think so, but interestingly still, some people prefer that i work on certain projects, while others want me on the other end of the horizon.Coming back to the reason for this post, well, it was hectic. I was feeling tired and sleepy at midday. Maybe its all the extra sleep i had during the vacations. I do get confused from time to time, but i guess thats 'cos of the information gap that has stretched for over a month.Anyhue, more news, one of my articles, titled "I wonder" was recently published on Chowk in the "Self Publish" section. 33 hits, no reviews. Encouraging, ill send in more. Also lectured a BBA class at Commecs on Jan 26, their letter of thanks ended up at my desk today. Maybe ill do more of these things too.My Flickr is also raking up some good scores, apparently more people have marked my images as favourite than those that have added me as a contact.And what is this with absolutely random people adding me up on my Orkut? 3 people added me in 3 days, thats kinda nice and appreciative, but i seriously hadnt anticipated this (you guys must be reading this, please dont hate me, i was just taken a bit by surprise). I generally add people whom I have had an interaction with, whether on a personal level or not is irrelevant.
When I was in my early primary school years, my curiousity for everything around me earned me the title "Master of Destruction". Little did I know that over twenty years down the lane, I'll continue to protect my title.
Why do people think that their minds are readable? Why do people believe their emotions are transparent?
What happened between us is something I dont know. Something she does'nt want to tell me either. She called me today, referred to me as "Sir". It hurt.
I asked her what happened, the bridges were wide gaping oceans, dark and violent.
"Im ok without you in my life and you're ok without me".
Lost for words, lost from the world for a brief while.
Its not that there was some form of a relationship between us, we were just decent friends, who pulled each others legs every once in a while, but she was someone in my life, thats what I know.
People matter to me, no matter who they are, no matter where they are. This was a shock.
Like the several times in the past, ill continue to hold myself responsible for this breakdown too.
The destruction is still on, except that this time round, its people, their hearts, their dreams, their emotions.
Do i enjoy it? well...maybe i do...subconciously so....
After waking up at 6.30 today to drop my bro to the airport, I spent most of my morning drive back from the airport remeniscing about a beautiful morning in March/April.
After a crazy night, we landed at my place pretty late, and drove back out at about 6ish....u were still sleepy! We had classy doodh patti chai and then headed off to the airport.
It was a decently long span of time, but it felt so short, when u look at the fun we had....there still is much to do....
Those who are thinking what this is about...keep thinking....ull never know...,,and the one that does know...please pretend you are one of them!
Second, i cant log on to the blogger dashboard. Possibly due to some
coding language difference. I cant seem to comment on metblog posts
either. They need an approval from the author to get published.
Third. All text entries are restricted to about 435 characters at
most. Thats the reason why you see this post in two parts!
Mobile blogging, or Moblogging as it is technically known is quite
fun, which i had the true pleasure of discovering today.
My Opera Mini browser allows me to access my gmail account, which i
can use to post to this blog and i can even access the Metroblog user
interface to post an entry.
Three drawbacks tough.
First, since i dont know html, i cant make formatted entries or linked entries.
I first met Aijaz at St. Pauls High, Karachi. We were good friends then on. Of course i was not on his friends-to-count-on-for-mischevious-activities list, but yes, we both shared one common bond. Being on the hate list for Mr. Ben Fernando, our maths teacher, was significant enough.
After three years at school, he moved his way, I moved mine, he ended up in IBA, after passing the test by a single day's study, despite the fact that his sister took over a month.
Tragedy hit his IBA path and he moved to CBM for his masters.
I was, at times, surprised by this guy. The guy didnt know the meaning of politics. He was as clean as clean can ever be. No agendas, no motives. Just straightforward and forthcoming. He would succumb to other peoples smartness all too easily, but such are all innocent people.
One of the greatest things about this guy was that he'd do you a favour, and truly forget about it. No one would know, unless you told them.
For a guy who stammered out of confusion or nervousness, he made it to being a call centre attendant at ABN AMRO right here in Karachi. His only tool, was his extreme self confidence and sheer determination.
Unnerved by dangers, mindless of fears, Aijaz believed strongly in himself. A man with such conviction and unflinching selflessness, he was just too good for this world. As is with all good people, he left us too soon.
Life is whirlwind, you are the silent centre. Everything around you just spins by, faster and faster. You keep standing, staring, maybe thinking what part of your life you treasure most and want to protect.
You search for yourself, pieces of you, memories of you, dreams of you, amongst your shattered and sliced existence. You stand there, in pain and despair, not knowing what happened, you laugh at yourslef, your own helpless existence. Your memories are no longer yours, your dreams are no longer yours. You have faded away, into the abyss, but your existence remains.
All those around you, are now mere beings, individials, each lost in their own little worlds, or what ever is left of it.
Did I disappoint you or let you down? Should I be feeling guilty or let the judges frown? 'Cause I saw the end before we'd begun, Yes I saw you were blinded and I knew I had won. So I took what's mine by eternal right. Took your soul out into the night. It may be over but it won't stop there, I am here for you if you'd only care. You touched my heart you touched my soul. You changed my life and all my goals. And love is blind and that I knew when, My heart was blinded by you. I've kissed your lips and held your head. Shared your dreams and shared your bed. I know you well, I know your smell. I've been addicted to you.
Goodbye my lover. Goodbye my friend. You have been the one. You have been the one for me.
I am a dreamer but when I wake, You can't break my spirit - it's my dreams you take.
And as you move on, remember me, Remember us and all we used to be I've seen you cry, I've seen you smile. I've watched you sleeping for a while. I'd be the father of your child. I'd spend a lifetime with you. I know your fears and you know mine. We've had our doubts but now we're fine, And I love you, I swear that's true. I cannot live without you.
Goodbye my lover. Goodbye my friend. You have been the one. You have been the one for me.
And I still hold your hand in mine. In mine when I'm asleep. And I will bear my soul in time, When I'm kneeling at your feet. Goodbye my lover. Goodbye my friend. You have been the one. You have been the one for me. I'm so hollow, baby, I'm so hollow. I'm so, I'm so, I'm so hollow.
Sometimes, every moment in life starts circulating a single person. All ideas, opinions, thoughts and impressions seem to be in a single orbit. An orbit that is not yours, but an orbit you share with them.
What is the reason for our love, our emotional attachments and our bondings with the significant one? Why is that person "the one"?
I have been searching for an answer to this question for quite a while now. So much so that i have closed in on the one, without reason, without motive, without purpose.
I have never been so lost. I have never been so found.
